WHAT? How to lose a Nanny? There has been a lot of discussion recently about nannies and their job struggles. It can be anything from not being able to find a job that supplies a living-wage or headaches their current job brings. Once a nanny has a wonderful job that she loves it is hard when times get tough and it is increasingly difficult for them to like coming to work. As a professional nanny and household manager for over ten years, now agency owner, I thankfully have been blessed to not see many of these in my own world. Unfortunately, during my ‘counseling’ with nannies on “What do I do?,” these five issues are most frequent in our discussions.

NOT PAYING AS AGREED IN THE CONTRACT/CUTTING HOURS

When you hire a nanny it is vital to have a contract drafted to not leave room for error. Oftentimes nannies will come to a place in their job where certain situations come up where their hours change, but they really shouldn’t. Lets explore. The most common one that I see that comes up is when kids start pre-school a couple days a week. As a parent, you need to ask yourself, “Does she need to be available during that time?” If your nanny still needs to be available to work during those times, her hours shouldn’t be cut. More or less she is ‘on-call’ for you during that time and most likely getting a lot done around the house or running errands. If you absolutely do not need her to be available and she can take another job during those times, then you could sit down and talk with her. Two things to think about before sitting down:

1. Is it worth losing my nanny over because of cut hours?
2. Am I willing to hear her say ‘no’ to being able to care for my child if he or she is sick and I still have to go to work?

I believe all nannies will agree that whether or not the child is in pre-school for those 9 or less hours a week there is still SO much to do. In the blink of an eye it is already time to go get in the carpool line at the school. By time your nanny is in the carpool line she has already been back to the house and completed three loads of laundry; restocked the refrigerator and pantry; disinfected the toys; changed the child’s linens; and picked up your dry cleaning.

As you embark on a new stage in life, like your child going to pre-school, is it really worth it to change things up in the middle of a contract? If you agreed to hire a full-time nanny and that is what your nanny financially signed up for, cutting her hours back to part-time can break your relationship very quickly. Trust me, your family will want that consistency and certainly doesn’t need the stress of your child being sick and you missing an important board meeting. At the time you have to call your boss and say you won’t be able to attend, you may be thinking, “It is definitely worth that extra 9 hours a week to pay my nanny.” Additionally, what about when school is out for the summer and holidays? Your nanny could now be working a mother’s helper job during those hours and not be able to commit to you. Now you need to make the heart breaking decision to either release your long term nanny whose hours you cut and hire another full-time person; manage another backup babysitter to cover holidays and breaks; or just give your nanny back her hours (big smile). However, is she now willing to give up that family she helps in the mornings that she has established a relationship with? As you can see, it creates all kinds of issues that likely are not worth cutting hours. Being loyal to your nanny makes her just as loyal (and more) back to you.

NICKEL AND DIME THEM TO DEATH

This one may be a hard one to put on paper, but ultimately you are asking for serious strife in your relationship when this is happening. For instance, one day you get off work and allow your nanny to leave an hour early. Please understand that your nanny signed up to work that whole day and if you choose to let her leave early, that is your decision, not hers. Now we fast forward and your nanny adds one hour of extra pay to her work time because you were late getting home three or fours days (an hour total). Then you say, “But I let you go an hour early two weeks ago.” Time outside of your nanny’s schedule is time that should be extra paid whether or not you let her go early two weeks ago. Now your nanny doesn’t see you letting her go early as a ‘thank you so much for all your hard work all day with the children,’ but as an I-owe-you. One of the nicest things you can do for a nanny is to show her appreciation throughout the year and one way is a surprise day off when/if possible or letting her go home early so you can spend time with the children. When you start to nickel and dime your nanny for every-single-minute you will create an annoyance with her that will build up and ultimately lose her respect. This all boils down to respect – doesn’t everything?

CREATING A STRESSFUL WORK ENVIRONMENT

I know, it sounds like I am trying to make a nanny’s job sound like it shouldn’t be stressful, but that isn’t at all what I mean. Being a nanny is certainly stressful at times just like any other job. However, when there are factors that do this that could be avoided. Consistency. Consistency. Consistency. I love that word! If you are not consistent with your nanny, the schedule, and what is going on in the home, it makes a nanny’s life extremely stressful – oh, and yours too! Communication is key. In order to keep things going smoothly, please take the time to come home 10-15 minutes early and talk with your nanny about the next week. If your schedule isn’t the same 9-5 everyday, but rotates because you travel for work, please talk with you nanny so she can plan accordingly. Every nanny likes to know what is going on just like you do. If things are up in the air she can get stressed about what to do next, what parent is coming to this, and what time can I do that. A nanny always wants to respectful of your wishes, and with communication about what is coming up, that stress factor can be eliminated. There are many things that can cause stress for a nanny, but I will say – communication likely can cure that.

LACK OF RESPECT FOR YOUR NANNY’S TIME

Oh, this is a huge one! More often than not, this is a big deal breaker. Let’s look at this from both perspectives. Your nanny arrives to work on time and provides you with a consistent schedule to leave for work on time – that is awesome! Now, let’s flip the card and say that you frequently come home from work late. Do you think it is appropriate for your nanny to come in late frequently in the morning and you are late to work? I will answer a definitive NO! Your nanny has been diligently working with your children all day in your home and she deserves the same courtesy to be able to leave work on time. Of course, there are times when you have a meeting run late and you have to text your nanny and let her know you will be a few minutes behind. Not a problem. What we are discussing is frequently disrespecting your nanny’s time. If you find that you need to change the schedule and have her stay until 5:45 or 6:00 instead of 5:30, that creates an expected time and cushion for you to get home. Additionally, your nanny will respect you  for realizing that you are late and need her those extra minutes each day. More often than not she will be thrilled to do those extra minutes now that she expects to stay. Remember your nanny has a life outside of work just like you do and some might even be another job in the evenings. Now your nanny is late because you are late – it truly is a ripple effect!

This scenario comes up a lot too – the parents coming home as the clock strikes 5:30  (when she gets off) and you’re expecting your nanny to talk about the day, discuss tomorrow, and all kinds of other work related material without compensating. Again, respecting time. It seems small, but it really is important. If you would like to be sure you have time for a ‘meeting’ with your nanny when you get home, either come home about 10-15 minutes early or add 10-15 minutes to the end of her shift. If your nanny stays late for discussions about the children, please be sensitive and know that that is paid time and should be added to her paycheck. Of course, if your nanny decides to sit and chat and eat dinner with you after her time off, that falls under her own time to stay.

If you want your time respected, respect your nanny’s time too.

CROSSING THE LINE. ANY LINE.

Many times the family-nanny relationship gets to a point where crossing lines gets sticky. There really isn’t just one line, but many lines. We could have an encyclopedia size book on how many scenarios we could have here.  I think you need decide in the beginning whether or not you want to treat your nanny like a Corporate America job or one where she is like family. At that point, you will have expectations. There are so many different types of households (formal, informal, etc.) where nannies work that each situation is unique to itself. However, setting up expectations will help keep lines from being crossed. If you don’t want to know anything about your nanny’s life outside of work and keep it strictly business, then it should be more like Corporate America; and if you take a genuine interest in her life, then she will be more like family. I will say that many nannies seek employers that will treat them like family and be genuine to them. Of course, they are still an employee, but there is a different ‘feeling’ about everything.

My point is to sit and think before you act. You could easily cross the line by asking about your nanny’s personal life or asking her to do a duty far outside the realm of what she signed her contract for. Be careful. If you are unsure of an unchartered territory like asking her to clean the bathrooms while the kids are in preschool, just ask her. Gently ask, “Is that something okay to ask a nanny to do and please give me your honest feedback?” I think every nanny would be great in giving their honest feedback and the majority will say no to the bathroom cleaning. However, there are some nannies that enjoy having things to do to keep them busy. Just a tip: try to keep things all child related. Now, if you have to cut you nanny’s hours drastically and she is willing to take on the housekeepers job to keep her employment with you, that is awesome. But more than not, do not cross the line between your nanny and other titles of employees. If you need help in knowing the ins and outs of what is okay to ask a nanny, talk with an agency. I’m certain that an agency in your area would be thrilled to answer a quick question about this to ensure that you are not crossing the line and being insensitive to your nanny.

So many scenarios, so little time. Please just be sensitive and communicate clearly with your nanny. Set expectations and be very clear on them in the beginning.

As you read this today, think of these three words: respect, consistency, and communication. I think these three words are vital to create a lasting relationship with your nanny and keep everyone very happy. We certainly do not want you to lose your nanny and we know you don’t either!

Once you lose respect, you lose trust.

Once you lose communication, you lose consistency.

Once you lose consistency, you lose a happy environment.

HAPPY NANNY = HAPPY FAMILY!